When She Makes Fun of Your Height

I used to get very rattled whenever someone would directly, or indirectly, poke at my height. I even came up with a lot of clever lines and comebacks for all kinds of situations.

However, I realized that when a girl picks on your height, it's really just her way of seeing if you are insecure about your height. The best line won't do anything if you are insecure. The words of your response don't matter that much. She will pick up on your emotions. If the comment doesn't bother you, then anything you say is generally fine. However, if it stings and you feel emasculated, that feeling will be projected even through the sharpest comeback line. Like most things, there is no quick fix. It is a process of discovering yourself and being comfortable in your own skin.

That being said, I usually handle this one of two ways. If we're bantering and I want to continue bantering, I'll go Joe Brody style and just throw the comment back at her in a very playful way.

Her: "Yeah, you'd really look like a midget next to him"

Me: "You're a midget!"

Or, if I want to cut the banter and have a more sincere conversation, I'll say something like, "Ok, it's time we be nice to each other now." This is tough to describe in text but the energy behind it is like a loving father who is being direct; there is no negative emotion attached to the words.

Your Body As Your Guide

There's one thing in this world that I can always trust -- my gut. It will feel hollow and empty when I'm around a person who is bad for me. It will burn with fire when I'm challenging myself to do something great. It will squeeze and pinch when I'm doing something that violates one of my core values. It will feel warm and peaceful when in the presence of a beautiful women I share a connection with. My body will always tell me the direction I need to head in.

Lance Mason says that there are two kinds of discomfort our bodies will feel when we're becoming the cool, confident and charismatic man that we always wanted to be. The way I've come to learn it, one feeling is a general sense of stepping out of your comfort zone. You feel uncomfortable, but in a way that is a sign of growth. The second feeling is when you're doing something that is just not you. You feel uncomfortable, but it is coupled with feelings of regret, sorrow, or guilt. It is discomfort combined with other negative emotions, which is your body's way of telling you to knock it the fuck off.

At first, it's tough to distinguish between these two feelings. I've spent a lot of time really paying attention to my body and I've become pretty good at discerning what message my body is trying to tell me.

The good kind of discomfort sends me a message kind of like this: "God dammit Joey! You want to do what? We haven't done this before. Are you sure your ready for this? This is a little weird. Fuck it. This is what you want to do. The best version of yourself does this shit. Now stop being a little pussy and do it."

This is the feeling I get when I approach a cute girl on a crowded subway and I have an entire audience watching me. It's the feeling I got when I first tried an edgy banter line. It's the feeling I got the first time I sincerely told a girl she was cute. It's the feeling I get when I'm pushing myself in a positive direction.

The second feeling is a bad discomfort that starts in my stomach, travels up my chest and clenches my throat. To put the feeling into words, it's says something like this: "Woah. This is weird. Like really weird. When the hell did I start doing this? I don't think I should be doing this. I don't want to do this. Why the hell am I doing this? Oh yeah, because somebody else said to do it. This isn't me. I feel like a douche bag."

This is the feeling I got whenever I tried to demonstrate higher value over people. This is the feeling I got when I would tell other people's stories that I read on the internet. This is the feeling I got whenever I was trying to manipulate someone.

Our bodies know when we are doing something that is totally out of wack with who we are, and when we are pushing to become more of ourselves. This is not, however, the voice going on inside of our heads. Your brain is a super computer that very quickly processes data from your past experiences and tries to protect you at all costs. Your body is reliable, your brain is not. Sure, if your brain tells you "Bus!!! Move!!!," you want to listen to it. But in most cases, especially when approaching women, your brain is completely full of shit. Treat it like your Uncle who drinks too much wine at dinner and then starts talking out of his ass about how much tail he used to get when he was younger. You acknowledge it, but don't really take it seriously :)

Trust your gut, it'll never lead you astray.

The Action Movie Moment

You see her on the street. She's exactly what you've been dreaming about. And there she goes, walking on by.

To put it simply, you have two options. You can go for it, or not.

If you don't, you know exactly what will happen. Nothing. Nothing is safe. Nothing is comfortable. Nothing doesn't really hurt and doesn't really feel good. It is, well, just nothing.

Or you can go for it. Let the intensity build, run to catch her, tap her on the elbow, and say what it is you've always wanted to say to the girl of your dreams. She might smile. She might be shocked. She might be attracted. She might fall in love.

But whatever happens, it's better than nothing.

What NOT to do on a First Date

After a full night of drinking and partying in NYC, I head up to my favorite brunch spot with my girl. As we wait to be seated, we randomly run into my cousin, who just happens to be on a first date with some dude she met online.

Here's the deal. My cousin is a cute, cool and very social girl in her mid-20's. Like most others, she just wants a cool, normal guy to share experiences in life with. Unfortunately, this guy was not the one, and he made that pretty clear from the start.

We introduce ourselves, and the guy seems nice, but not really social. He doesn't really make an effort. He gets a phone call, and goes outside to take the call.

"This is going to be terrible." My cousin says, once her date is out of hearing distance. I laughed, said that I love her optimism, and then ask her why.

"This guy is all business. He's trying to impress me by bragging about his job, and how he has a meeting later at the Waldlorf Astoria. I don't give a shit. I just want to hang out and have some mimosa's."

We continue chatting and realize that this guy has been outside talking on the phone for about 10 minutes. Now my cousin is just pissed. She eventually goes out to check on him ... they don't reenter the restaurant.

Now, I can relate to the guy. Like many of us, he gleaned from society the false idea that women are attracted to money. He was doing what he thought would make him attractive. Instead, he killed any chances of attraction right from the start by trying to impress my cousin.

That is why I feel grateful everyday that I had the balls to put my ego aside, and learn to become a man who understands attraction and how to connect with people. It's a choice everyone has to make on their own, society will only hold you back.

Anyways, I've gotta call my cuz now and let her know that there are guys out there who know the scoop, who are attractive and can truly relate to women.

Peace.

Chi-Town's Finest

Last weekend, the Art of Attraction workshop rocked the Windy City for the first time ever! We made the women smile, and the Bears made the men smile. Everyone was happy.

The students were amazing. On Sunday, I took a look at everyone, closely. While the students were still the same people as they were two days ago, they looked different. Although dead tired, they looked comfortable, calm and together. They were taking up space, standing with their shoulders back, and had real smiles on their faces.

Confidence is defined in many different ways. People seek to become confident through many different avenues. All I know is this: If your body is in a strong, powerful and relaxed position ... you will feel strong, powerful and relaxed. And your presence can be seen and felt across a room.